What the heck is a HAM you ask? It's a Hot Ass Mess and I am the HAM mascot this week. I seriously do not know what is wrong with me (most likely lack of sleep?!) but I have been a real idiot all week.
It all started when I was trying to talk with my cousin about tablets, only I couldn't remember the word for tablet: think lots of hand gestures and groping for adjectives that would describe "you know those new techy things that are like computers but not computers." Dumb.
Then, I forgot my work keys twice and had to be let into my office by the janitor two days in a row. That same night I was driving home on the highway and even though I take that road at least 3 times a week, I inadvertently ended up on the wrong toll road, drove about 10 miles in the wrong direction and got stuck in a traffic jam on the random surface street I ended up on.
Yesterday, my co-worker Abby told me a joke that I "haha" chuckled to, thinking I had gotten the joke, but then realized what the joke was really about at 11pm; it was literally like a light bulb went off in my mind. The same night my email account got hacked, which is not awesome. While that was not actually me being a HAM, all of my contacts (former students, friends of my husband's, an old boss or two) all received messages about impotence relief from "me."
THEN, what you would think would be the worst offense of all, during the class I teach I called J. Edgar Hoover one of our past presidents. Yep, that happened. Do you know what it's like having your every airhead moment corrected by a bunch of self-important 19 year olds?
But the worst of the worst, the final ultimate proof I am a HAM, happened this morning:
It all started when I was trying to talk with my cousin about tablets, only I couldn't remember the word for tablet: think lots of hand gestures and groping for adjectives that would describe "you know those new techy things that are like computers but not computers." Dumb.
Then, I forgot my work keys twice and had to be let into my office by the janitor two days in a row. That same night I was driving home on the highway and even though I take that road at least 3 times a week, I inadvertently ended up on the wrong toll road, drove about 10 miles in the wrong direction and got stuck in a traffic jam on the random surface street I ended up on.
Yesterday, my co-worker Abby told me a joke that I "haha" chuckled to, thinking I had gotten the joke, but then realized what the joke was really about at 11pm; it was literally like a light bulb went off in my mind. The same night my email account got hacked, which is not awesome. While that was not actually me being a HAM, all of my contacts (former students, friends of my husband's, an old boss or two) all received messages about impotence relief from "me."
THEN, what you would think would be the worst offense of all, during the class I teach I called J. Edgar Hoover one of our past presidents. Yep, that happened. Do you know what it's like having your every airhead moment corrected by a bunch of self-important 19 year olds?
But the worst of the worst, the final ultimate proof I am a HAM, happened this morning:
Yes, the picture is dark but if you look close enough you can see my entire right side, from neck to leg, is drenched in the delicious Egg Nog latte that my husband made me this morning. Of course I poured the coffee on myself in the car on the way to work too. I think I got most of it out, thankfully though, with water. Sigh. Welcome to Thursday!
Let's hope I don't try to top this one anytime soon. Sleep, I need you.
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2 comments:
HAM HAM HAMMMM! You are seriously losing it! I have an exam in 4 hours and then twilight and then an exam at 11am Im a HAM too!
I'm a HAM you're a HAM
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